My Last Letter...

I know that you will probably never, ever read this but if for some weird reason you do...I just want you to know my last thoughts.

 

In exactly 11 days, it will be a year that you broke my heart.

And despite everything that you put me through, I forgive you

and I still love you.

I'm writing in green 'cuz it's your favorite color. :)

 

I still don't know what happened.

Why did you leave me?

After a year trying to get an answer,

I realized that I will never get one.

Your too stubborn.

(that's one of the things I love about you)

 

Every time you texted me, all you would ever say was 

 "I'm sorry. For everything...."

I never knew exactly what you meant by that.

All I knew was that every time we saw each other, you broke my heart even more.

To me, it seemed as if you weren't sure on what you wanted and were just hurting me on purpose.

You would make it seem like you didn't want to be with me one day, and the next it seemed as if you did. You would say one thing and do the opposite.

The last day we actually talked about us was on Mother's Day. Do you remember?

That night, you asked to drive me home. We spent a good 2 hours in the parking lot of that bowling alley.

I tried talking to you, and we just ended up not talking to each other the whole time. First I spent time in the cold (hoping to numb the pain), and then you spent time in the cold.

It seemed like you came back to me that night.

You hugged me tight then put my head on your shoulder and held my hand tightly the whole ride to my house.

I know you thought I fell asleep, but I didn't. You kissed my head several times, I still don't know why...

We stood parked in front of my house that night, or should I say morning. And we talked a little. When you kissed me, It was like our first kiss all over again. You asked me what I felt, and what I felt was love.

I felt my heart become warm, I got butterflies in my tummy (as I always do when I see and talk to you).

We spent about an hour outside.

You opened my door, I stepped out, and you stood in front of me just staring at me.

You were the man I fell in love with.

You gave me a hug, kissed me again, leaned over me do you remember what you said?...You said "I can't stand being away from you. I haven't fallin' out of love with you." You kissed me on my head, and just starred into my eyes. You picked me up and gave me a smile that I'll never forget.

You told me we would finish talking later because it was 3 am, and you had to work in a few hours. You gave me hope, then you never wanted to talk again after that. I still don't understand why. I don't know what's going on in your mind, and I don't know why you're so afraid to tell me.

All I ever wanted was to be cared and loved for.

All I wanted was you. 

Maybe the timing was off? Maybe we weren't meant to be? 

What ever the case may be, I've learned that life doesn't give us all the answers that we look and ask for. We just have to learn to accept that and try to live  and enjoy our lives the best we can.

I don't know if you still think about me, I may never know if what you said to me that day was true or not, I may never know what your reason for leaving me was, but what I do know is that I've learned to forgive. I may never forget, but I do forgive you.

If I have ever made you feel like you weren't good enough for me or ever hurt you in any way, I never meant to.

I'm sorry.

And just so you know, I will always care about you and I will always love you. No one will ever change that.

If for some reason we are reunited and you ask for a second chance (as you kind of asked that night in front of my house), I will gladly give you that chance.

I can't see myself with anyone else but you.

I told you I would wait for you, and I still am. But I can't wait forever.

And as though it is hard for me to move on, I must try my hardest because I don't know for sure if we will ever be together again. Even though deep down inside I know that that isn't going to happen, part of me still hopes.

You still mean the world to me and I will never forget you.

When you truly love somebody, you love them and never let them go.

I hope that if you do come back to me, it won't be too late.

I made a promise that I would never let you go, and just because you broke your promise doesn't mean that I have to break mine.

 We may not be together, but you will always be in my heart.

My love for you will never die.

I just hope you know that.

I love you J.V.

<3