My Last Letter...

I know that you will probably never, ever read this but if for some weird reason you do...I just want you to know my last thoughts.

 

In exactly 11 days, it will be a year that you broke my heart.

And despite everything that you put me through, I forgive you

and I still love you.

I'm writing in green 'cuz it's your favorite color. :)

 

I still don't know what happened.

Why did you leave me?

After a year trying to get an answer,

I realized that I will never get one.

Your too stubborn.

(that's one of the things I love about you)

 

Every time you texted me, all you would ever say was 

 "I'm sorry. For everything...."

I never knew exactly what you meant by that.

All I knew was that every time we saw each other, you broke my heart even more.

To me, it seemed as if you weren't sure on what you wanted and were just hurting me on purpose.

You would make it seem like you didn't want to be with me one day, and the next it seemed as if you did. You would say one thing and do the opposite.

The last day we actually talked about us was on Mother's Day. Do you remember?

That night, you asked to drive me home. We spent a good 2 hours in the parking lot of that bowling alley.

I tried talking to you, and we just ended up not talking to each other the whole time. First I spent time in the cold (hoping to numb the pain), and then you spent time in the cold.

It seemed like you came back to me that night.

You hugged me tight then put my head on your shoulder and held my hand tightly the whole ride to my house.

I know you thought I fell asleep, but I didn't. You kissed my head several times, I still don't know why...

We stood parked in front of my house that night, or should I say morning. And we talked a little. When you kissed me, It was like our first kiss all over again. You asked me what I felt, and what I felt was love.

I felt my heart become warm, I got butterflies in my tummy (as I always do when I see and talk to you).

We spent about an hour outside.

You opened my door, I stepped out, and you stood in front of me just staring at me.

You were the man I fell in love with.

You gave me a hug, kissed me again, leaned over me do you remember what you said?...You said "I can't stand being away from you. I haven't fallin' out of love with you." You kissed me on my head, and just starred into my eyes. You picked me up and gave me a smile that I'll never forget.

You told me we would finish talking later because it was 3 am, and you had to work in a few hours. You gave me hope, then you never wanted to talk again after that. I still don't understand why. I don't know what's going on in your mind, and I don't know why you're so afraid to tell me.

All I ever wanted was to be cared and loved for.

All I wanted was you. 

Maybe the timing was off? Maybe we weren't meant to be? 

What ever the case may be, I've learned that life doesn't give us all the answers that we look and ask for. We just have to learn to accept that and try to live  and enjoy our lives the best we can.

I don't know if you still think about me, I may never know if what you said to me that day was true or not, I may never know what your reason for leaving me was, but what I do know is that I've learned to forgive. I may never forget, but I do forgive you.

If I have ever made you feel like you weren't good enough for me or ever hurt you in any way, I never meant to.

I'm sorry.

And just so you know, I will always care about you and I will always love you. No one will ever change that.

If for some reason we are reunited and you ask for a second chance (as you kind of asked that night in front of my house), I will gladly give you that chance.

I can't see myself with anyone else but you.

I told you I would wait for you, and I still am. But I can't wait forever.

And as though it is hard for me to move on, I must try my hardest because I don't know for sure if we will ever be together again. Even though deep down inside I know that that isn't going to happen, part of me still hopes.

You still mean the world to me and I will never forget you.

When you truly love somebody, you love them and never let them go.

I hope that if you do come back to me, it won't be too late.

I made a promise that I would never let you go, and just because you broke your promise doesn't mean that I have to break mine.

 We may not be together, but you will always be in my heart.

My love for you will never die.

I just hope you know that.

I love you J.V.

<3

Life As An M.A. Student

WOW! It's been a long time since I've been on this thing. Well I just felt like I needed to write (type) to keep my hands busy. So I guess I'll just start by saying HEY PEEPS!! :D

So I recently started school again in August. I finally decided what I wanted to study. Took me 3 yrs but better late than never right? I decided to go for Medical Assisting. I don't know why I never thought about it before. It's perfect for me! I love helping and meeting new people.

The program is 12 months. I will be graduating next August. I'm so excited! There are 5 terms, 3 classes per term, and each term is about 2 months long. My 1st term was great! There was a lot going on but I got through it. I only missed one day of class becuase I went to Miami for a weekend. It was pretty crazy, I couldn't get my study guide till the day before the final! I aced it!

I actually aced all my classes my 1st term! I was shocked! I have a 4.0. I have NEVER had a 4.0. It just shows that I am smarter than I thought, and that I actually have a lot of interest in something! I also realized that I haven't been giving myself as much credit as I should be. But that is going to change.

My 2nd term just started this past Thursday.

I'm already tired of homework lol. The work, to me, is very easy. I just have the tendency of being lazy lol. I just hope all my classes will be just as great as the last classes. Two of my teachers seem fantastic! I haven't met the other teacher yet, but hopefully she'll b awesome. Can't wait to start with the hands on part of the program!

Oh! And did I mention that since I have all A's and a 4.0, I'm on the president's list! So exciting! In a couple of weeks they will be taking my picture and posting it up on the wall at school. I will also be recieving a certificate, a red carpet will be rolled out for me to walk on, and there will be a little ceremony with food and drinks!

Can't wait!

Mariachi

So I belong to a Mariachi group called Mariachi Imperial Azteca. I guess you can say that we play pretty well. The group has been together for about three years now, but I've only been with them for two months. I was in a different Mariachi before for about five and a half years. It didn't work out. The people in that group were way too childish for me. People wouldn't hire us a lot. So I'm in this new group and so far its OK. Of course every group isn't perfect and there is always one person who stands out more than the others; I like to call it a clown. Mariachis usually don't have one of these, but this one person always has to be the center of attention. Its pretty sad really. Yet funny at the same time. But that is our only flaw.

Now I am learning a song called Viva Veracruz. (Which is the song above) I'm the only one in the group who doesn't know how to play it yet of course but I'm getting there. It's EXTREMELY fast! I don't know how I'm going to do it but I have to know it very soon. (Hope you like it)

I had practice today, just the violinists, and I learned a song called Jarabe Tapatio. (At the bottom) Its a little fast but I like it. Of course I already forgot a little part of the song, but it's OK. My friend said she will help me this Wednesday. So hopefully it all goes well.

I love being in a Mariachi group. It's a great experience. When you're out there in front of a lot of people, you feel like a rush, but it's a good feeling. Especially when everyone applauds you after every song. No matter if your singing or just playing the music. Did I mention the money it great also? Well it is. At least it was at the beginning....they started deducting money from me and three other people. They're taking money away from me because I don't know all of the songs that they play yet. Which is a lot of BULL! I know most of the ones they play all the time except for like three. So for two months they are going to only be paying me $30-$35 an hour. But it's whatever. I go because I love to play Mariachi music. I also love to sing. Which I do have a few songs that I sing in the group. Do I get to sing all the time? Nope. Why you ask? Because the clown of the group has to sing all the time. Grr!! But it's OK. They will need me to sing one day and I just won't be there. I'm not saying I'm the greatest singer, but I do think I sing better than the clown. Have you ever seen a clown sing?....I haven't until I joined this group. Maybe I should video tape her so you guys can see..? Nah, I don't want to scary you guys off. Well I guess this is it for now. I should really go and practice. Later peeps :) 

Boredom

So this will be my first little blog and I have absolutely nothing to write about. I made this account simply because...well I guess you can say I was bored. Maybe I should've made this account when I had something to say?.. 

I really don't have anything on my mind right now except for my boyfriend. Oh how I miss him. I saw him just the other day. But it seems like he has become a little too busy for me. Of course that doesn't change the way that I feel about him. I still and always will love him, just wish I could see him more often. But it's all worth the wait when I finally do get to see him and his warm smile...

I'm still trying to figure out why I am still up. My parents are sleeping, the ghosts in my house are sleeping, everyone on my Facebook page is sleeping, well at least the ones I normally talk to. So why am I still up? There's nothing to do. I'm just here, sitting in my living room, on this hard chair, searching the web on my non-wireless laptop, flipping through the TV channels, listening to my mom breath, talking to this guy named Rob on my Facebook whose telling me I should play hide and seek with myself. This is one weird guy, but then again he's my boyfriend's friend so I can see why. My boyfriend is a little strange, but that's why I love him... 

Ah! Maybe I'm still up because I slept till 12:20pm today..? But then again, I only got five hours of sleep. This is the first time in a while since my little niece and nephew have been sleeping over here. Maybe it's because it's nice and quiet in my house? That still doesn't make sense to me. Hmmm...? 

Oh well, I got nothing. I guess I might as well just go to bed now, I think the ghosts are waking up and I do not want to be sitting here in the dark when they come out. Maybe I did have a little something to write about after all. Even though it's really not about anything specifically. Well anyways I'm off to sleep. Goodnight :)